Boys will be boys

Mantithesis #3: Masculinity cannot be measured.

There is a car commercial in which a father and son are tossing a ball in their front yard. We first see the small boy fail to throw the ball very well, flailing a bit, using poor form, and completely missing his dad's glove. The father then throws the ball in exactly the same fashion, with pathetic form, releasing the ball with no sense of direction. I have no real understanding of the sales pitch they were trying to make, but I love this commercial, because that father will certainly be me. This dad is clueless about how to properly throw a ball, but is determined to help his son to the best of his ability. This commercial highlights the sentiment of the father's heart, even though his abilities are limited, which I think is true masculinity.

For thousands of years, each culture has had a fairly clear definition of what makes someone "a man." Most factors in measuring masculinity center on the abilities and characteristics deemed "manly." Throwing a ball, fixing a car, growing facial hair, having sex, lifting heavy things, etc. are all indications of how manly someone is in our culture. From this desire to measure masculinity have come all sorts of gender stereotypes most people adhere to, even if they don't care to admit it. I believe there are very specific gender roles in relationships, clearly defined in much of the Christian Bible, but we should be very careful about making someone feel less "like a man" because they lack a certain ability or trait. With the failure of most dads to love their children the way God intends, we have more and more boys growing into men without abilities that have traditionally been used to measure how masculine someone is. If a father fails to teach his son how to throw a ball, the basics of car maintenance, or the proper way to mow the lawn, the son is the one who is downgraded on the masculine scale. In my opinion, the only one failing as a man in these scenarios are the fathers who focus more on work than their kids, or choose to abandon their families when things get boring or difficult. Our society attacks the masculinity of the men who were never taught "manly" things, which leads to all sorts of issues.

According to the National Association of Research and Therapy for Homosexuality, some research indicates a close relationship between homosexual behavior, and failure of fathers.

- Men who marry homosexually are more likely to have been raised in a family with unstable parental relationships — particularly, absent or unknown fathers and divorced parents.

- Men and women with “unknown fathers” were significantly less likely to marry a person of the opposite sex than were their peers with known fathers

- The shorter the duration of parental marriage, the higher was the likelihood of homosexual marriage…homosexual marriage rates were 36% and 26% higher among men and women, respectively, who experienced parental divorce after less than six years of marriage, than among peers whose parents remained married for all 18 years of childhood and adolescence.

- Men whose parents divorced before their 6th birthday were 39% more likely to marry homosexually than peers from intact parental marriages.

Not only is the lack of "masculine" abilities and characteristics due in large part to fathers failing to pass these traits on, an absence of a father has a direct impact on the sexual orientation of children once they reach adulthood.

All this to say, many people believe masculinity is something that can be measured by the types of abilities or characteristics a man may have. My argument is that the abilities and characteristics that culture deems "manly" are failing to be passed on to children by fathers, leading some men to feel insecure in how masculine they are, and pushing some toward homosexual behaviors and lifestyle. The culture says that masculinity is based on abilities, behaviors, and certain characteristics, but the men of the Church have a very special opportunity to affirm boys and young men who lack these traditional characteristics, helping them to become confident in who they are as Christ followers. Galatians 2:20 says,

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Our identity is defined by Christ living in us, and the characteristics he portrayed are gender neutral, and should be molded into the lives of boys and men in our culture. We never see Christ lifting a boat that had fallen on a small child, or defeating the pharisees in a tense athletic competition. We see Christ loving, teaching, listening, caring, praying, feeding, healing, etc. True masculinity (and femininity) is defined by how closely we resemble Christ. A large amount of boys have spent many years feeling condemned for their interest in the arts, or lack of athletic ability, and the men in the church can start to turn this culture back to Jesus by affirming godly, gender neutral characteristics, toward which we should all be striving.