A losing battle

Mantithesis #4: Take on challenges that seem impossible.

For many years it was probably considered manly to tackle projects, problems, and other things that seemed impossible. I think of the many wars fought that countries seemed destined to lose but, for one reason or another, the powers that be entered the fray, seeming to ignore the odds. Many war movies have glorified this mindset, but more often than not, the motivation was not because of bravery of valor, but simply because there was no other choice. I'm not saying that the men and women in the military are not brave, but in most cases, especially the ones about which movies are made, the leaders had no choice but to enter into a seemingly hopeless battle; the stakes were simply too high to opt out.

I'm arguing on a smaller level that the modern man simply will not tackle issues or challenges of importance if a victory is not almost guaranteed. We enter into professions which come naturally to us, we pursue women "in our league," and we rarely stretch ourselves to pursue a goal that seems out of our reach. I don't know if this mindset pervades because we don't like looking like idiots, or if it's some sort of self esteem issue, but I argue that true masculinity is defined by pursuing goals that seem impossible.

Now I'm not saying these goals should not be carefully considered, or that any stupid goal will do. My problem is that the modern man often completely ignores incredibly important goals because they think they will fail. Consider the idea of marriage. Today it seems like spending your entire life with one other person is absolutely impossible. Because of this, I would venture to say that many men enter marriage already holding divorce as a card that can (and probably will) be played when needed. Before they even start, many men expect to fail. Because of this, most men don't even start a marriage thinking it will succeed. At the alter, they say vows that are more like "I love you now" than "I'll love you forever." The promise to love someone till death seems impossible, but it's a goal that every married man should put at the top of his list. It seems like it will be a losing battle but, much like the wars countless governments have entered where defeat was sure, the stakes are simply too high to enter a marriage without the mindset of aiming for the impossible.

Most recently I faced this issue when asked to discuss with a student a specific sin area. This sin area is becoming more pervasive (and accepted) in our culture, and I have three people very close to me who have bought into the mindset that this sin is not really sin. When asked to talk with this student, who very much thinks along the lines of those three people close to me, I felt an immediate sense of defeat. What's the point in talking about something that the student obviously doesn't think is wrong? Is there any hope for Truth to stand up when the entire culture is standing against it? It seemed like a losing battle from the beginning, especially considering that people I have spent my entire life don't want to hear what I think the Bible clearly teaches on this area. If friends I've known for years haven't taken into consideration anything I've said on the subject, why on earth would a teenager I barely know listen? 

This mindset reveals a mode of operation I have to cut out of my life; instead of only taking on challenges I think I can accomplish, I must take on any challenge God throws my way when the stakes are too high to ignore. In our culture, men want to look successful, so they take on things within their ability. The difference between those guys and Christ followers is that the level of challenges we are capable of achieving is unlimited, as long as God is glorified. The same power that brought Jesus out of the grave lives in us, and this is the key to winning losing battles. We like to quote Philippians 4:13 for football games and such, but I think the underlying truth in this verse is that we can do anything through Christ, when it glorifies God.

God is presenting me with an opportunity to speak into a student's life about a sin area clearly depicted in Scripture. It seems like a lost cause, but a true man of God takes on these challenges, through Christ's power, for His glory. 

Boys will be boys

Mantithesis #3: Masculinity cannot be measured.

There is a car commercial in which a father and son are tossing a ball in their front yard. We first see the small boy fail to throw the ball very well, flailing a bit, using poor form, and completely missing his dad's glove. The father then throws the ball in exactly the same fashion, with pathetic form, releasing the ball with no sense of direction. I have no real understanding of the sales pitch they were trying to make, but I love this commercial, because that father will certainly be me. This dad is clueless about how to properly throw a ball, but is determined to help his son to the best of his ability. This commercial highlights the sentiment of the father's heart, even though his abilities are limited, which I think is true masculinity.

For thousands of years, each culture has had a fairly clear definition of what makes someone "a man." Most factors in measuring masculinity center on the abilities and characteristics deemed "manly." Throwing a ball, fixing a car, growing facial hair, having sex, lifting heavy things, etc. are all indications of how manly someone is in our culture. From this desire to measure masculinity have come all sorts of gender stereotypes most people adhere to, even if they don't care to admit it. I believe there are very specific gender roles in relationships, clearly defined in much of the Christian Bible, but we should be very careful about making someone feel less "like a man" because they lack a certain ability or trait. With the failure of most dads to love their children the way God intends, we have more and more boys growing into men without abilities that have traditionally been used to measure how masculine someone is. If a father fails to teach his son how to throw a ball, the basics of car maintenance, or the proper way to mow the lawn, the son is the one who is downgraded on the masculine scale. In my opinion, the only one failing as a man in these scenarios are the fathers who focus more on work than their kids, or choose to abandon their families when things get boring or difficult. Our society attacks the masculinity of the men who were never taught "manly" things, which leads to all sorts of issues.

According to the National Association of Research and Therapy for Homosexuality, some research indicates a close relationship between homosexual behavior, and failure of fathers.

- Men who marry homosexually are more likely to have been raised in a family with unstable parental relationships — particularly, absent or unknown fathers and divorced parents.

- Men and women with “unknown fathers” were significantly less likely to marry a person of the opposite sex than were their peers with known fathers

- The shorter the duration of parental marriage, the higher was the likelihood of homosexual marriage…homosexual marriage rates were 36% and 26% higher among men and women, respectively, who experienced parental divorce after less than six years of marriage, than among peers whose parents remained married for all 18 years of childhood and adolescence.

- Men whose parents divorced before their 6th birthday were 39% more likely to marry homosexually than peers from intact parental marriages.

Not only is the lack of "masculine" abilities and characteristics due in large part to fathers failing to pass these traits on, an absence of a father has a direct impact on the sexual orientation of children once they reach adulthood.

All this to say, many people believe masculinity is something that can be measured by the types of abilities or characteristics a man may have. My argument is that the abilities and characteristics that culture deems "manly" are failing to be passed on to children by fathers, leading some men to feel insecure in how masculine they are, and pushing some toward homosexual behaviors and lifestyle. The culture says that masculinity is based on abilities, behaviors, and certain characteristics, but the men of the Church have a very special opportunity to affirm boys and young men who lack these traditional characteristics, helping them to become confident in who they are as Christ followers. Galatians 2:20 says,

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Our identity is defined by Christ living in us, and the characteristics he portrayed are gender neutral, and should be molded into the lives of boys and men in our culture. We never see Christ lifting a boat that had fallen on a small child, or defeating the pharisees in a tense athletic competition. We see Christ loving, teaching, listening, caring, praying, feeding, healing, etc. True masculinity (and femininity) is defined by how closely we resemble Christ. A large amount of boys have spent many years feeling condemned for their interest in the arts, or lack of athletic ability, and the men in the church can start to turn this culture back to Jesus by affirming godly, gender neutral characteristics, toward which we should all be striving.