Don't be so sure of yourself

Mantithesis #7: Faith in God, not confidence in yourself, is what truly matters. 

Confidence is everything. If you want the job, the girl, the spot on that team, etc., everything hinges on how much confidence you have in yourself. This is the understanding of how the world operates. On the surface, I fully agree with this concept. Job interviews full of the words "um" or "I dunno" will not end favorably. So, in order to operate in the worldly realm, confidence in yourself is key.

However, because the way the world functions often influences the way Christ follower function, I think this sentiment has bled over into the spiritual realm; a place in which it is nothing but detrimental. "Confidence" is nowhere to be found on the list of fruits of the Spirit outlined in Galatians 5:22-23;

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law." (HCSB)

We could talk for days about the different ways in which the Spirit presents itself in believers, but the one I find most relevant to this topic of discussion is "faith." Faith is similar to confidence, but the subtle difference between the two concepts is vital for the man after God's own heart. Confidence is the trust that, through your own abilities, you will succeed. Faith is the trust that, through God's power, the Kingdom will succeed. Confidence in the work place is good; confidence in regards to your spiritual life will lead to your downfall.

Samson is one person from whom we can learn about the danger of confidence. Through God's gifting, Samson was the Chuck Norris of the Israelite people. Besides killing a lion, he once destroyed an entire army with a donkey's jawbone. I'm sure there is some sort of incredible spiritual insight about his weapon of choice, but I'll have to ponder that a little longer. Samson was a guy who was strong, and he knew it. For whatever reason, he falls in love with a Philistine woman who, after accepting a bribe to find out the secret to his strength, eventually discovers that cutting his hair will lead to his downfall. The woman asks for the secret several times, to which Samson responds each time with a lie. Each time he deceives her, a group of men come and try to capture him by utilizing the false information he gave to her. Eventually, he gives in and finally tells her the truth. This is something that always really confused me; if he knew the secret to his strength, and the woman proved several times that she was going to use the information to have him captured, why did he finally share the truth? My guess is that his confidence in himself led to his downfall. For most of his life, Samson lived under the belief that his strength was the supernatural gift of God, which he would keep as long as his hair was never cut. But really, how could all of your strength leave with a simple cut of a knife? This thought surely crossed the mind of Samson once or twice, and it may have been what led to him sharing the information with the woman. He had defeated entire armies; with or without his hair, he probably felt he could defend himself from anyone.

Unfortunately for Samson, God's power was proven when Samson's strength immediately left him when the woman cut his hair. And, in the end, Samson went out with a blaze of glory by tearing down a building with one final show of God-given strength, killing himself and the Philistines inside. Samson's confidence in himself led to his downfall, and the same can happen to you.

It is one thing to be confident in yourself, and an entirely different thing to have faith in God. Confidence is all about leaning on your own ability, intelligence, and strength to be successful. It is a pillar of masculinity in the eyes of the world. However, masculinity in the eyes of God is based on your trust in God to accomplish His will through you.

I can't say that I have a great deal of faith, but I did recently move 1500 miles away from the state in which I spent the first quarter century of my life. At no point was I confident in my own ability to land on my feet. I know that the success of this move depends entirely on God's ability to accomplish His plan through me. The world would tell me to be confident and I will be successful. The problem with this is, success is selfish. It means money, happiness, comfort, etc. Confidence leads to worldly success, which I don't need. Faith leads to eternal success, which is the expansion of the Kingdom.

According to the world's standards, moving across the country with little confidence in myself was the opposite of manly. Based on scripture, and what I've learned from my relationship with God, moving across the country based entirely on the faith that God will use my obedience to accomplish His will, is the definition of masculinity. Confidence in yourself has no eternal payoff; faith in God to do His will through you leads to Kingdom impact.

Turn the other cheek

Mantithesis #6: Make choices that decrease conflict.

Somewhere along the way, it became feminine to be peaceful. Any man that chooses the path of least resistance is often viewed as weak, which causes many guys to make choices that increase conflict, as opposed to decreasing it. I could take the time to write out any number of real life examples of men reacting in ways that cause conflicts to become more severe, but the reality of this truth is everywhere. Even in your own life there are probably several instances you can think of when you reacted to a situation in a way that made the problem worse.

In both Matthew and Luke, Jesus is quoted as saying "turn the other cheek." If this idiom is new to you, then welcome to the world! Being born yesterday, your ability to read already is truly a miracle. This saying is so common that, regardless of your faith, you have heard it more than once in your life. If you attend a Christian church, you have probably heard many intelligent men expound upon the Bible text in which it is found, so I have no intention of boring you with more of that. However, I do want to point out that the root of what Jesus said is that we should make choices that decrease the conflict in any and every situation. Right before this, he actually said, "do not resist an evil person," and "do good to those who hate you." Jesus didn't want us to simply ignore unfair treatment, but to actually do good in response to evil.

Most of this is probably not new to you, but the question is, has your understanding of this truth come to fruition in your actions? You know that Christ calls us to do good in response to evil, but do your choices reflect that knowledge? I would assume that you, like me, have a masculine pride that gets in the way of making choices that decrease conflict. Out of your fear of being seen as weak, you rarely, if ever, return good for evil done to you. The world says things like, "stick up for yourself," or "show them you won't stand for this sort of treatment," but Jesus literally said the exact opposite. 

In James 1, the half-brother of Jesus tells us to keep ourselves from being stained by the world. The problem with modern day ideas on masculinity is that most of the ideals reflect the culture's standards, not Christ's. We have allowed the world to stain our definition of what is manly, so instead of returning good for evil done to us, we do not hesitate to respond with choices that increase the conflict. The world calls this "being a man," while God calls this "being a sinner."

I know that many of you are thinking, "but what about justice? What if someone hurts my wife or my children?" I understand that we have a God-given role to protect our families, but how often do these situations actually impact the safety of you or your family? Our role is to love and support our families through the evil done to them, not to retaliate and "make them pay." Several times in scripture we are told to leave all the wrath to God. If someone has a gun pointed at your son, I don't think Jesus would advocate you pushing your daughter in front of the gunman as well in a "turn the other cheek" fashion. But in almost every situation when you, your wife, or your family is the victim of evil, it is not your place to retaliate or react in a way that increases the conflict. To be more manly, according to God, is to redeem when others would retaliate. When a relationship has gone sour because of someone's sin, take it in a step towards healing by choosing to do good. If more Christ following men would live by this principle of manliness, I think people would begin to see how radically different a life focused on God truly is.